Samstag, 11. April 2009
Freitag, 10. April 2009
Forget Berlin...
Learning the lesson of my last desaster in Amsterdam, I prepared my next potential trip to Berlin in much more detail - thank god, would have been a disaster! Here the 10 reasons why non-romantics shouldn't spend a weekend in Berlin:
- Wetter will be too perfect for a sIghtseeing weekend (at least until 15.4, why shouldnt it last)
- Castle Charlottenburg in Spring is really the last place to go – to impressive, surroundings too green, and then the lake – forget it
- Brandenburger Gate breathes so much history that you feel like in a dusty museum, and you want to use the sprouting trees as feather duster
- The largest German opera house, Deutsche Oper Berlin, is giving a performance of La Traviatta – my god, what a combination, snobby wanna-be-in-the-upper-10.000 people and Verdis piece for the hopeless romantic…
- KDW – just by definition a shopping mall is hell on earth for every straight guy, if it is then the oldest, biggest, most exclusive and renown in Central Europe you feel like you’ve arrived in Dante’s most inner circle…
- If you’ve managed to pass shoe and handbag departments (not many can say that) and you want to escape to the upper floors, real evil awaits: Most delicious food and sweets mankind can endure.
- Kreuzberg, renown as the “date-hill”, where you drown in physical affection and suffocate on pheromones – never, NEVER take your date their after a nice dinner on a beautiful evening!
- Kolhoff-tower – if you got there, go there alone. The splendid view might provoke your company to lay Berlin to your feet, as a gift – beware of that!
- If you have managed to survive the above mentioned entrapments, don’t feel to safe, that’s what Berlin wants you too – but the biggest monster still awaits you, the nightlife. Don’t dare to enter Prenzlauer Berg-area, or abandon all hope!
- And finally, the biggest pitfall of all is if Berlin and your travel companion téam up – take a beautiful and interesting girl there and you are doomed (same applies vice-versa, with different categories of course)!
- Wetter will be too perfect for a sIghtseeing weekend (at least until 15.4, why shouldnt it last)
- Castle Charlottenburg in Spring is really the last place to go – to impressive, surroundings too green, and then the lake – forget it
- Brandenburger Gate breathes so much history that you feel like in a dusty museum, and you want to use the sprouting trees as feather duster
- The largest German opera house, Deutsche Oper Berlin, is giving a performance of La Traviatta – my god, what a combination, snobby wanna-be-in-the-upper-10.000 people and Verdis piece for the hopeless romantic…
- KDW – just by definition a shopping mall is hell on earth for every straight guy, if it is then the oldest, biggest, most exclusive and renown in Central Europe you feel like you’ve arrived in Dante’s most inner circle…
- If you’ve managed to pass shoe and handbag departments (not many can say that) and you want to escape to the upper floors, real evil awaits: Most delicious food and sweets mankind can endure.
- Kreuzberg, renown as the “date-hill”, where you drown in physical affection and suffocate on pheromones – never, NEVER take your date their after a nice dinner on a beautiful evening!
- Kolhoff-tower – if you got there, go there alone. The splendid view might provoke your company to lay Berlin to your feet, as a gift – beware of that!
- If you have managed to survive the above mentioned entrapments, don’t feel to safe, that’s what Berlin wants you too – but the biggest monster still awaits you, the nightlife. Don’t dare to enter Prenzlauer Berg-area, or abandon all hope!
- And finally, the biggest pitfall of all is if Berlin and your travel companion téam up – take a beautiful and interesting girl there and you are doomed (same applies vice-versa, with different categories of course)!
A. Nónimo
Donnerstag, 9. April 2009
Amsterdam...right into hell and back!
Grachten, van Gogh, ... - characteristicS of a devastating city for a want-to-remain"-single. With my reputation as a most unromantic person, yet passionate traveller it is my duty to warn my fellow single-brothers about one of the major pitfalls in European city landscape: Amsterdam.
However good its reputation might be for single traveller that seek to avoid human contact (labels such as "misanthrop heaven" or "come together - leave alone") - this appears just to be a huge hoax, probably circulated by toursim industry.
I myself fell for this blunder, when springtime, awoke my hormons, arising a terrible need for contact with the other gender. Amsterdam seemed to be the right place for cure in a weekend - being for unromantic men what a climatic spa is for the bronchitis-sick.
To my defense I have to add, that the prospects looked good in the first place! with its reputation of a safe mile for drug addicts, heaven for agressive-gays, terrible traffic and the legendary dutch dullness it appeared to be THE place to kill all romantic emotions in an instant.
So great the hope, so deep the fall into the shadows of physical attraction and romantic ambience. If you are looking for quiteness, inter-human dislike and unscenic spots, this is exactly the wrong place to go!
The romantic Grachten, scenic spots in ancient city center, stimulating red-light-district, comfortaBle coffeshops are all a nightmare for the emotional-peace seeking. Unique museums (who likes van Gogh anyway?) and one of the world's most renowned concert halls leaves no éscape, even if the subtle ray of hope of unappealingness occurs!
True, this could have been avoided by thoroughly preparing and studying the trip. Then, the following statistical information could have been revealed beforehand, based on a survey among young Europeans aged 26 to 32 (sample 100.000):
- 76% feel that cultural features like the Concertgebouw and van Gogh museum double the romantic experience
- 92% consider Amsterdam as the world capital of sweet dishes, sweets and chocolate.
- 37% of questionned people had there first kiss with a partner in Amsterdam
- 62% regret not to have had their first kiss in Amsterdam
- 72% consider to having spent one of their most romantic weekends in Amsterdam
- 100% would never give away this memory and instead stay at home for a weekend, for example in a Spanish city.
Yes, the inclined reader might now think "idiot, preparation is everything, you learned your lesson" - right. But still, have mercy with your judgement, cause I went right into hell and back!
A. Nónimo
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